Captain Kirk

Captain Kirk

Monday, September 27, 2010

If you meet Bill...'s some (possibly but probably not) helpful advice.
You’re walking down the street, casually minding your own business, when you suddenly bump shoulders with William Shatner. You are by far too much of a devoted fan to be able to ignore him, yet you don’t have time to start a good conversation or even plan a good ruse. What do you do?

Simple: fake medical emergency! A seizure is good, because it means you don’t have to carry around large quantities of fake blood. Pretending to choke on a piece of food might also work. Even if William Shatner just walks right on by, chances are that he will at least talk about you to his friends later: “Hey, I killed a man today.”

[...] After Mr. Shatner saves your life by performing the Heimlich maneuver, you can say “Thanks, unknown sir!” or “That was awesome, Mr. Shatner, but what was with Generations? How did that missile reach the sun so quickly? Did it have a warp drive attached?” Mr. Shatner will then viciously slap you, but you can take a picture of the bruise and send it to all your friends.

Fake-saving someone who's fake-having a medical emergency, SHATNER-STYLE!

Friday, September 24, 2010

LAHB's word cloud

I used a cool app called Wordle to create this image. It takes the most commonly used words in the whole blog and makes a word cloud out of it. The font is called Sexsmith, naturally.

Don't you love the way the words "sweet" and "william" are next to each other? But where, oh where, is "love"?

("Oh" is up there for the sheer number of "Oh, Bill"s.)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

It's like sex.

No, wait, it IS sex! New pairing: Shatner/Script.

Justin Halperin (blogger of Shit My Dad Says and producer of S**t My Dad Says) describes writing for William Shatner.
His enthusiasm is infectious. It’s a joy to watch him put his spin on a line we’ve written. It’s as if the line enters Shatner, and Shatner’s brain and the line flirt for a few moments before his brain grabs the line and begins to make sweet love to it.

Shortly after, the line has been impregnated. It has a short gestation period until he speaks the line aloud and the live studio audience witnesses the miracle that is the child of the written line and Shatner’s brain, covered in amniotic fluid and waiting to be loved … and applauded.

Bill prepares to make sweet love to these lucky words.

Thanks for the heads-up, Bria.

She touches his leg! TWICE!

Thinkgeek Comes Through Again

Enterprise Pizza Cutter!

As described in the Dallas Observer:
When your Slave Leia Apron isn't enough, there's always room for Shatner's favorite pizza cutter. In our minds, William Shatner slices hors d'oeuvres-sized pizzas with this to impress guests. "What's that you say? You like my pizza cutter? Oh, this old thing [laughs]."
Only $24.99! Get yours today!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Friday, September 17, 2010

Bill, Craig Ferguson, a shiny suit and...

Cigars as a metaphor. In other words, they're just like sex.

And a Danny Kaye reference!

Part 2: How to eat cheese & crackers, why Bill talks! like! THIS!, seat swapping and FOOTSIE!

And Bill & Craig exchange tips on comedy and acting.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A trailer for a book?

I love-love-love this trailer for the book "Night of the Living Trekkies." But I gotta question the value of marketing to people who don't read.

Oh, well. Watch and enjoy.

Thanks, Bones, for the heads-up!

P.S. There's a zombie right behind you.

How to get out of jury duty

And other lessons learned from Star Trek V, according to The Scope:
William Shatner is the one true God. He travelled to the centre of the damn universe and punched God in his stupid face. Shatner was the only one brave enough and hammy enough to stand up to the old, bearded man in the sky (er, in space) and it was his cleverness and a lucky shot from a certain Vulcan that caused God’s head to explode like he was in Scanners. Rumour has it that the shooting script had a scene where Shatner then viciously tore the heart out of the floating-head deity and screamed and gained its power and courage thricefold.

Oh, and when in doubt, always ask “what does God need with a starship?” It got me out of jury duty once. The power of that phrase is without limit.

"I have a question...Will this be on the final?"

(Pinky fans: take note.)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

When the time comes...

...Go boldly in style!

The first official Star Trek Urn.

Only $799 (plus shipping & handling, we assume).

Don't wait until the last minute! Don't make your loved ones agonize over "To boldly go" or "The voyage continues." Buy yours now. While you're waiting to clumsily fall off a bridge, you can use it as a unique candy dish.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Gene Roddenberry's Rolodex

Back when people stored information on pieces of paper, the Rolodex was the magic key that opened doors in Hollywood. Gene Roddenberry had one, and now it's been sold at auction for $1280. Read the story at BoingBoing - but here's the money shot. Helen Malloy, where are you now? (And was Helen Noel named after you?)

Trek Photoshop Phriday

This is kinda old (from February 2010 at Something Awful) but still worth reblogging. These are the best!

Shatner Action Figures at D*C: WTF and amazing

There were some fantastic costumes at this year's Dragon*Con, and one day we hope to make the scene to experience it for ourselves. Our man in NZ, the lovely and talented Greg, alerted us to this costumed concept. What does it mean? Who are these guys? Why Chef Shatner? Why a pith helmet? And why is Jack Sparrow in the line-up? So many questions!

Ganked from Epbot. Click on the image to embiggen.

Leonard Shills. With a beeping rock.

And we thought Star Trek's special effects were cheesy.

Spock with a mustache = kinda evil, I guess. Math was never my strong suit.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Dramatic Reading of BAD Fanfic

Our dear friend Helmboy alerted us to what is commonly acknowledged to be the worst fanfic ever written: it's called My Immortal, and it's Harry Potter fic (sort of). Reading it will break your brain, but you'll be laughing hysterically as it happens. It's filled with weird text speak, LOLcat language, and crazy misspellings, like "Enoby" for "Ebony" (the goth Mary Sue heroine).

The site where it's currently hosted also has a link to a dramatic reading of Chapter 17, posted on YouTube. It's done by a professional voice-over guy and it's unbelievably funny.

Make sure you click through to YouTube and read along. You'll be glad you did.

Oh, Bill

"Eat it, Plummer!" HA!

FYI, Genie Awards are given out to recognize the best of Canadian cinema by the Academy of Canadian Cinema and Television.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

TOS Rocks: We TOLD you Davy = Chekov!

Nicked from Jeff's Gameblog:

Of course, we find this comment at #5:
Okay, my inner Trekker can't stand it... Kirk's neckline is wrong. The deep V neck was only in the green wraparound tunic, not the gold over-the-head tunic. It's an affront to all that's holy.

*pant* *pant* *pant*

Got that out of my system.

I say: Kirk's clothes aren't NEARLY tight enough. But I like the goofy grin on his face.

A Universal Law

As we've said before, there's some rule they teach in journalism school that states, "If you write an article about William Shatner, you must include something about 'boldly going.'"

We guess it's now applicable outside of journalism.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Bill - The Early Years

Found this on the blog, Anglo Cat on the Prowl.

[W]ritten up in a little-known work by that magus of Canada, Roberston Davies, in Twice Have The Trumpets Sounded, the second of Davies' accounts of the early years of the [Stratford] Festival, co-authored by Davies with Guthrie, lavishly illustrated by Grant McDonald. ... [H]ere is Davies on Shatner in The Taming of the Shrew:
Lucentio, the suitor of Bianca, is not ordinarily consdered a comic role, except in the classic sense that all lovers who do not die are figures of High Comedy. But William Shatner brought some of the gifts of the vaudevillian comedian to the part; his self-assured and somewhat brassy delivery of his first speech was itself a pleasant bit of comedy, and all through the play he gave a dimension of comedy to a character which can very easily be a romantic bore. In the company of players who performed The Shrew at the Lord's bidding, his rank was obviously that of First Light Comedian rather than First Walking Gentleman.

(Twice Have The Trumpets Sounded, at p. 50).

High praise from Davies, whose critical faculties were razor-sharp. The sketch of Shatner in role on page 51 is very reminsicent of a James Dean in his prime--and, a bit oddly, of a picture I've seen of my own father as a young man).

I'm dying to see this sketch!

Live Performance - "Fear of Pop"

I've never seen this before!

Video to the NY Times Magazine article

New York Times Magazine - BILL!

Thanks to Ruru, Cap'n Ho & Richie for alerting us to this wonderful article!

We love that you guys & gals see something like this and think "I better alert the Butt Girls!"

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Naughty Pinette!

Thanks so much, Anonymous, for sending the link to the Naughty Pinette picture (referred to in Show #133)!

Go here to see the comments. And perhaps find more squickalicious fan art. I would but I'm afraid.

Show 133 - Sept 4

Episode 133 on MP3

Where No Man... by Marshak and Culbreath
Under the Vulcan Sun - Ming Doyle
The Starfleet "baby creeper"
Bill's pinkie!
14 Things You Didn't Know About Star Trek

Another Shatmoy interview - with Shannon!

Lene's signed copy of the infamous Book.

I am Captain Kirk

Everything Bill says should be mixed to music.