Captain Kirk

Captain Kirk

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Tiffany Bolling: Bill So Horny

1991 interview with Tiffany Bolling, Bill's co-star in Kingdom of the Spiders. Here's the relevant bit:

KG: You worked with William Shatner on KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS.

BOLLING: Well, first of all, where we shot was a dream come true, in Sedonia, Arizona, it’s like four seasons come through every day, you get your snow at night and then it warms up to about 70° in the daytime and you can go lie by the pool. So, it was a wonderful place to be able to shoot a film and I felt so bad for those poor spiders, because they were all so innocent, bless their hearts. And Bill Shatner…he’s a horny guy, like most men. [Laughs]

KG: So he chased you around?

BOLLING: No. Well, just little [things], so that was fine. His wife, Marcie, was in the film, too, you know.

KG: So he kind of flirted with you?

BOLLING: Well, sure, but I thought that was great, because it helped us work together, because I’m supposed to be this very tongue-in-cheek "Ms." type of person, and so he used that a lot.

Heh heh heh. "He's a horny guy": truer words were never spoken.

Thanks, Greg!

I dare you to order the red one.

Star Trek Original Series Wetsuit

Star Trek fans eager to explore Earth’s ocean can now do so while wearing a wetsuit modeled after an original series uniform.

123009UnderseaThe Star Trek wetsuit, which sells for $469.95, was designed by JMJ wetsuits, using the highest quality materials and expert craftsmanship.

Each wetsuit is custom made, tailored to one’s exact measurements. The 7MM wetsuit is available in blue, yellow or red, although fans will remember that “red shirts” in the original series often met an untimely end and perhaps it would be unwise to tempt fate (and the sharks!) by choosing that color.
Double dare. Double dog dare.

The Trek crap never ends!

Click to embiggen.

I guess the "pefume" drove everyone too crazy to run spelling check.

Thanks, Commodore Mendez.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009


WTF? How can this possibly be explained? Stoned elves? Conspiracy of lame Star Wars fan boys? Merchandise for the next JJ Abrams Trek movie?

Listen to Look At His Butt when shopping for REAL Trek crap. Accept no substitutes!

Drunken Trekkies rock.

Kingdom of the Spiders! On DVD!

And! Bill! Does! ... ... ... COMMENTARY!!!!

Read all about it at SF Gate.

What a great opportunity to hear Bill make shit up.

Can an "Impulse" DVD with commentary be far behind? Please...

Xmas Special That Never Was

A repost from John Scalzi. Check out the others ones too - all spot on and hilarious.

The Lost Star Trek Christmas Episode: “A Most Illogical Holiday” (1968)

Mr. Spock, with his pointy ears, is hailed as a messiah on a wintry world where elves toil for a mysterious master, revealed to be Santa just prior to the first commercial break. Santa, enraged, kills Ensign Jones and attacks the Enterprise in his sleigh. As Scotty works to keep the power flowing to the shields, Kirk and Bones infiltrate Santa's headquarters. With the help of the comely and lonely Mrs. Claus, Kirk is led to the heart of the workshop, where he learns the truth: Santa is himself a pawn to a master computer, whose initial program is based on an ancient book of children's Christmas tales. Kirk engages the master computer in a battle of wits, demanding the computer explain how it is physically possible for Santa to deliver gifts to all the children in the universe in a single night. The master computer, confronted with this computational anomaly, self-destructs; Santa, freed from mental enslavement, releases the elves and begins a new, democratic society. Back on the ship, Bones and Spock bicker about the meaning of Christmas, an argument which ends when Scotty appears on the bridge with egg nog made with Romulan Ale.

Filmed during the series' run, this episode was never shown on network television and was offered in syndication only once, in 1975. Star Trek fans hint the episode was later personally destroyed by Gene Roddenberry. Rumor suggests Harlan Ellison may have written the original script; asked about the episode at 1978's IgunaCon II science fiction convention, however, Ellison described the episode as "a quiescently glistening cherem of pus."

Of course, not mentioned here is the classic episode where Kirk is in a coma and Spock dresses up like an elf to help wake him up.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

See? We were right about Star Trek vs. Star Wars

Via Pandagon - read the whole thing, but here's the relevant part:
Star Wars (or what became of it) ended up being a rather terrible story about a society run on genetic predeterminism. The police force of the “good old days” were the secretive elite of a crypto-religious sect who fully accepted that at all times, two of their members would be trying to destroy civilization as they knew it. Membership was based on an accident of genetic luck, and those who lacked the access and wherewithal to get screened at the proper time were out of luck, stuck at the whim and mercy of their telekinetic, mind-altering overlords. Government was largely ineffectual, a dysfunctional democracy latched onto a decaying royal system. The entire lesson of Star Wars is that this highly traditional, morally unyielding system fails, and it fails miserably, as the billions of people killed in the Sith insurrection would have testified, had they, well, lived.

I'll take the meritocracy and the technology, please.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Bill & Avril Lavigne - old interview

This was to promote Over the Hedge.

Bill works SO HARD to get this girl to open up and talk to him and it works, eventually. And then he fucking charms her like no one else can. Look at the way he looks at her. I think she was just unprepared for the 1000-watt incandescence of Bill and his charm and hotness.

WTF is he talking about with the statues???

(thanks to the fine folks at More Shat, Less Shame for posting this first)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

TrekCrap redux! Star Trek CUFFLINKS

Hey, you still have time for Xmas! This courtesy of @wilw, at ThinkGeek:

Sleek Starfleet style for your formal attire

We geeks are a witty t-shirt and jeans bunch, but every once in a while we need to dress up for something. Maybe it's an important meeting for work where you have to look sharp or maybe you're attending your fourth wedding of the year because everyone you know is getting hitched. You may have to wear a monkey suit and tie, but you can still show your geek spirit with these officially licensed Star Trek cufflinks.

These classy cufflinks are made from enamel and rhodium plated silver and come in two designs. The first features the Original Series Starfleet communicator badge worn by Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock and the crew of the starship Enterprise. The second design is a tiny replica of the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701. Both are handsome, high-quality accessories that will delight you with their geekiness for years to come.

Product Specifications
- Officially licensed Star Trek cufflinks in enamel and rhodium plated silver
- Two styles: Original series badge or Enterprise NCC-1701
- They may force you to dress up, but you can still express your geeky style
- Tapping on your cufflink com badge will not connect you to Captain Kirk (sorry)


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Trek Zombies

I don't get the whole zombie thing - seems like a limited concept, and also, they're not hot. But anyway, courtesy of @wilw on Twitter, there is this: He's Undead, Jim. Here's the description:

It was worse than dead; his brain was gone.

There are a lot of ways to die if you're a red shirt. You can be shot by a poisonous plant, step on an exploding rock, be struck by lightning, get whacked by a native with a big stick, choke on a dikironium cloud, or, our personal favorite, be beamed down to a planet that's not actually there and get sucked into space, never to be seen again. But it's an entirely different matter when Bones says, "He's undead, Jim." That's way worse than dead, and the entire galaxy could be at risk! Be sure to double tap with your phaser.

Fun factoid: The very first "He's dead, Jim" referred to a dog that had an unfortunate encounter with a transporter. Yeah. You knew that. But what is it with us using dogs for space experimentation? They may be "man's best friend," but, if actions speak louder than words, the feeling's not so much mutual. (Don't worry. We won't be sending any of our puppies into space, fictional or otherwise.)

Buy the shirt at ThinkGeek.

Friday, December 18, 2009


Tori does a GREAT job with the karate chop.

Of course he has the time! He's CAPTAIN KIRK!!

Bill is so MFGQ!

Did I get that right? Anyway, Bill is featured in January's GQ.

Audio outtakes here.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Even More TrekCrap!

This time courtesy of Jen, who sent a long and detailed post, which I'll just reproduce here, cos it's FUNNY.

Okay, so it's almost Christmas as we are all too aware! And we are all shopping for our Christmas joy. So why not give your special someone TrekCrap? It's lots of fun!

Tree Star Featuring Spock:

This may not be new, but it is classic. Every tree should have its own Spock sitting on it! And now for a mere 39.99, you can get your very own! OR better yet, get one for your mother or get one for all your friends! It's FANTASTIC!!!! (I had to work that in somewhere).

Spock Holiday Stocking:

In the future, all houses have chimneys and what goes with chimneys? Well, stockings of course! Spock adorns this beautiful piece of Fedatacana (Fed-ta-cana). It's is guaranteed to be a classic for all time!

Spock and Tribbles Table Piece:

*Otherwise known as a statue.* This one of a kind, collector's piece comes complete with Spock and a bunch of Tribbles. It only looks like Spock is about to eat the Tribble - Vulcans are vegetarians. He's only going to kiss it, seriously, that's all. Take him home for a mere, 69.99. BUT WAIT!!!!! If you buy today, we'll knock ten dollars off the price - making him only 59.99! A true bargain.

Star Trek Captain Kirk Vinyl Figure:

Jimmy: OH MY STARS, CAPTAIN KIRK!!!! THEY'VE MADE A DOLL OF YOU! And he has a really big head!
Kirk: No,no, Jimmy, that's not me - that's the terp they picked to play me. And it's not a doll, it's an action figure. He's made of Futuristic vinyl material, filled with terpish style, and did I mention made of vinyl? I thought we should get that out there.
Jimmy: Thanks, Captain Kirk, I'll go out and buy it today!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009

Shatmas Came Early This Year

The Tenth Level is on youtube. Watch it quick before someone makes them take it down! This is a true rarity and in addition to being really good, it includes a gratuitous shoulder roll!

Thanks to Ruby Pearl for the heads-up!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Bill Reads Palin. Again.

And she reciprocates.

Consider the transporter

It neither toils nor spins and it transporteth not ...

... but it looketh so freakin' cool!

Raise your glasses and drink to Captain Kirk!

These lovely wineglasses have already sold but it sounds like Etsy will make more if you contact him/her/it.

Or you could probably get them at the Starfleet Academy Bookstore.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Holiday Trek crap isn't just for Christmas!

If I were the artsy-craftsy type, I'd make my Pez into Santa's reindeer.

Click here for more info. Thanks, Iddy.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

TNG Dubbed in Nonsense

O.M.G. I laughed so hard at this. God, people are clever.

The Intruder on the Intertubes

Via MoreShat:

Just wanted to let you know that "Shame" aka "I Hate Your Guts" aka "The Intruder" is in the public domain and can be watched and legally downloaded here:

This 1962 film directed by Roger Corman stars William Shatner as a racist mystery man sent to stir trouble in a southern town that is about to integrate its high school. Roger Corman claims this is the only film of the over 300 he's produced to lose money. (That's a real shame!)