Captain Kirk

Captain Kirk

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Show #25 - Dec 30

Episode 25 on MP3

We're back with Look At His Butt On Ice, actual holiday edition!

Bill on Dennis Leary's "Merry Fucking Christmas", and what to leave for Santa
Presents for LT!
Bill's Christmas ornament
We review Dagger of the Mind
Shatner with Alison Angel (one and two)
A little taste of JK's smutty Christmas story, "Visions of Sugarplums" (audio file that is NOT work safe!)
We close with Shatner as Satan (on Comedy Central's Last Laugh of 2005)

EDIT: Here's a whole page of screencaps from Dagger of the Mind!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Xmas non-episode - Dec 24

Episode Non-Xmas on MP3

Well, we're both sick. Till we get well, here are some yummy holiday stories to keep you happy:

Wildcat's "You Could Even Say She Glows"
Wildcat is famous in fanfic for her beautifully written series of stories about a romance between Spock and Uhura.

Nesabj's "Happy New Year"
Nesabj writes Kirk just about better than anyone. The focus is on the rapport between Kirk and his crew. The stories are gen (no sex).

"How the Grinch Stole the Captain" by Lyrastar
Howling funny poetry. A filk, if you will.

"Auld Lang Syne"
A round robin from Jonk, Raku, Deanna, Marta Rodriguez, and Angie. The crew of the Enterprise discovers fanfiction.

JK's holidays stories (5 Christmas stories and 1 New Year's story). All are humorous. No slash.

"A Moment of Grace"
by Pinetrees. A lovely, deceptively simple story of Kirk in Iowa.

The weirdest Trek Christmas ornament I could find a picture of. He's still not a merry man.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Pre-Holiday Show

Episode Pre-Xmas on MP3

Short and sweet. Back with a new show soon.

  ...  PLEASE read the rest of JK's story "Backwards and In High Heels". You'll be glad you did!

Your friend,


You can't buy publicity like this

Or maybe you can. I don't know. All I do know is that we got a great mention by those fine folks at on their December 15 homepage. Some of what they said:

The nice thing about Podcasts is that they don't have to look for corporate sponsorship. That's important because there's nothing worse for creativity than to have someone else's money involved. The money people have opinions about the work, and that affects the art - never in a good way.

Creativity and spontaneity just blossoms in the absence of sponsorship. The artist can go with their whimsy, follow their heart, get to the essence of creation.

So with that introduction, we recommend "Look at His Butt" which is described as the podcast where LT and JK, two geek babes, talk about Star Trek, science fiction, books, TV, the Internet, sex toys, and William Shatner's butt.

Samplings from the current show: The William Shatner DVD club, homemade sex toys (light-up USB light saber dildo), and a deep discussion by the hosts with their assumptions on Shatner's lovemaking techniques drawn from a somewhat obsessive collection of references.

They got it! They really got it!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Just in time for Christmas!

Or whatever holiday you choose to dread and celebrate. Our man Gregory Gray comes up with another winner for those of you who need a special gift. Order soon! Supplies are limited! All One!

Please to click for the bestest largest image with mostest detail!!!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Show #24 - Dec 8

Episode 24 on MP3

The Official William Shatner DVD Club
Bill shills for Daimler Chrysler (and you can see the commercials here)
Bill's kidney stone on eBay - and replicas thereof
Trek manga at Tokyo Pop
Live surprise homemade sex toys!
Cool Christmassy sex toys at Good Vibes - the Sparkle Plug, the Juicer, the Frosty Crop
The iBuzz!
We talk about Bill's recent appearances on TV and sex (or course)
The Adventures of William Shatner's Toupee in the Toy Meets Girl ep of Robot Chicken

Every girl should be so lucky.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Show #23 - Nov 30

Episode 23 on MP3

A brand new show!

Cafe Press T-shirts! Just in time for Christmas!
Listen to us on TSFPN's SciFi Access, Ep. 2
Vote for us on Podcast Alley
About the very gay picture of George Takei
Brannon Braga leaves Star Trek! Hooray!
Bill shills in Texas and the Boston Legal wrap-up
The answers to the question Who Else Could Have Played Captain Kirk?
And how did we end up at Captain Stabbin's porn site?

Click to go to Cafe Press and spend your money

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

LAHB in the Funny Pages

Check it OUT! Our podcast was featured in the very wonderful webcomic Sore Thumbs, by Owen Gieni and Chris Crosby. Hee's the link, and here's a little preview. Go! Click! Enjoy!

Click to go to the original.

Thanks, guys!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Hot Klingon Love

Another masterpiece from our man in NZ, Gregory Gray. Note the endorsement from the Duras sisters! Can't get much better than that.

Please do click for the larger image!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Show #22 - Nov 19

Episode 22 on MP3

Bascon wrap-up and more!

Bill inducted into the Broadcast Hall of Fame
Bill talks about fanfic!
Secrets of a Married Man, again
Alfred Hitchcock Presents and Night Gallery/Sixth Sense
A long discussion about wigs, toupees, and the sad tonsorial state of today's stars
LT reads her very strange but sexy story, "Rank Privilege"

Look how young! 1960!

Look how skinny!

Look at that THING on top of his head!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Monday, November 14, 2005

Show #21.5 - More Bascon!

Episode 21.5 on MP3

And another special Bascon edition!

An interview with Big Miss Sunbeam, author of:
the incredible Star Trek: The Next Generation Episode Guide
A Soldier's Story
Promised Land
Anybody's Night at Oscar's Egyptian Cabaret
The Fall of the House of Sarek
and many many more!

And more good fic to read:
His Beloved Pet by Ruth Gifford and Atara Stein

He DOES look like Patrick Stewart!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Show #21 - Nov 11

Episode 21 on MP3

Another special Bascon edition!

Click to hear William Shatner proposition you

An in-depth look at "Secrets of a Married Man", a terrible movie starring William Shatner
Why would you wear Spanx?
We mercilessly mock a terrible piece of fanfiction (icky smut warning!)
An interview with the one and only Jonk, author extraordinaire (and a shout to Tjonsey's "Twenty Questions") and writer of "Prelude in C# Minor"
David Gerrold is gay?
And Jonk reads a little bit of her wonderful story, "Party Pooper"
Up for JK's "Golden Boy"?


Nice chest hair, but the toupee looks like earmuffs gone horribly wrong

Look at his butt - and the VPL (visible panty line)

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Show #20 - Nov 6

Episode 20 on MP3

Special Bascon edition!

George Takei gets teh Gay (and the picture we mentioned)
Warp Speed in SF again - go see it!
Gary Mitchell's invincible foot from the Trek BBS
We discuss Nick Meyer and Star Trek VI
Lots of Boston Legal and why Shatner is relevant again
The Boston iLegal podcast and why we should be on it
We close with words of wisdom from Afroman

LAHB Question of the Week: Who else could have played Kirk?

How to find us at a con hotel.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Ferengi Are Doing It For Themselves.

Gregory Gray takes on alien sex: "The observant will notice that the whole contraption is based upon that of a Ferengi Freighter - typical Ferengi, saving money by recycling a previous design!"

As always, click for the larger version.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Show #19 - October 28

Episode 19 on MP3

You know how in some movies and TV shows, after all the credits and stuff, there's a little thing tagged on the end that's like a reward for you staying all the way through?

Lots of news gone through very quickly (Doohan, new Trek movie, Spielberg, the kidney stone)
William Shatner does Se7en, short film by Ben Stiller
Spanking! A horrible picture at the Shatner BBS and "30 Best TV Spankings"
Alan and Denny Go Ice Fishing on Boston Legal!
How William Shatner Changed the World
Shatner in This is Your Life and One Step Beyond
What Is Your Battle Cry?

Screencaps here because I'm too fuckin' lazy to make a separate page:

Look how cozy they are!

A loving look (right before they freak out)

Once again, the Patented Shatner Swallow

Friday, October 21, 2005

Show #18 - October 21

Episode 18 on MP3

TOYS! Not sex toys, Star Trek toys! Click here for pictures of all of them

The Post-It holder/intercom, communicator/recorder, phaser keychain, Marlena/Kirk flip card, Gary Lockwood signed picture, temporary tattoos, party invitations, Kirk & Spock pic, metal Kirk cards - and the ShirtlessKirk(tm) doll by LT
LT goes on about Wil Wheaton again, and Wil tells part of his Shatner story
We discuss "A Piece of the Action" and talk about Star Trek dress-up

A butt shot and a cute face from "Piece of the Action"

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

This just in...

In case you hadn't heard, Bill made a quick trip to the hospital for a bad back (no doubt injured while "attending to" a lovely female co-star). Don't worry, he's fine. Gregory Gray thinks he has the real scoop. We have alibis.

Click for the larger version so you can read the hilarious text.

Creature Appreciation Week! Oct 24-30

Gregory Gray, our man in NZ, alerts us to this event and sends along an illustration.

Creature Appreciation Week: October 24-30, 2005
"Creatures are widely misunderstood and underappreciated in today’s world, viewed by many to be scary, menacing bullies ransacking campsites and hiding under kids’ beds. However, most creatures are simply trying to lead a normal life like all of us. This is why Duel Masters TCG felt it was necessary to acknowledge the good that creatures do, and support their existence by establishing Creature Appreciation Week... This marks the first-ever Creature Appreciation Week celebration, where
creatures will finally receive recognition for thousands of years of hard work helping kids expand and develop their imagination, explore the world fantasy and provide endless entertainment."

Which is both kinda neat AND a crafty marketing gimmic fro Duelmasters , the trading card game.

Behold the Horta!

Friday, October 14, 2005

Show #17 - October 14

Episode 17 on MP3

Sex toys! Lots of sex toys!

JK has a new toy, the Silicone Slims (click through and scroll down to the bottom), and we discuss Blowfish lesbians
More about Boston Legal's new season
A book called Trekkers and what LT thought of it
Anyone belong to the William Shatner Fan Club?
Smarmy K/S! The cosmic bathtub at BoingBoing
We tell our Trek Origin Stories
We recommend "Ghost in the Machine", a Tom Paris story
The Case of the Underage Slasher
We close with a little ditty called "The Vulcan Walk" by Ric Seaberg

I have no relevant picture for this show, so here's one of my fave screencaps. Look at his eyes! Ah, Kirklight.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Trek Triptych!

Our man in New Zealand, Gregory Gray, introduces the third member of the team, Dr. McCoy. Would anyone like to see this on a bumper sticker, or a man-bag?

Click for the extremely wonderful large version.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Set phasers on...vibrate.

More brilliance from Gregory Gray, our man in New Zealand. Is that a phaser in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Look at its....tongue?

Friday, September 30, 2005

Show #15 - Sept. 30

Episode 15 on MP3

A Really Big Shew!

The Scofflaws' "William Shatner" - live!
Kin alerts us to SexyTrek, a Star Trek pron site
More on the Emmys (it's all about sex, for Bill)
We discuss the phenomenon of cameltoe and how it does NOT apply to Bill
New Season of Boston Legal! 1-877-SUE-2-WIN
Kirklight revisited, Gregory Gray and his awesome designs, LT buys a new sex toy, and JK wants one
The JK urban legend continues, and we squick over mpreg
T'Monkeelover writes Monkees For Sale

Look at Wild Shirtless Kirk™!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Officers' Model.

Or maybe Spock is just into masks. Another creation of the fabulous Gregory Gray from New Zealand. Send this man email! Send him work! Let him know that you love his designs as much as we do!

Click for the larger image.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Sex Trek Toys. Trek Sex Toys? Strex Toys?

Gregory Gray, our man in New Zealand, provides Starfleet-issue devices for the enlisted types. On our minds: What do the officers get? Does the captain get a special one that controls everyone else's so he can give the girls a thrill remotely? Enquiring minds want to know!

Click for the larger image.