Captain Kirk

Captain Kirk

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Show #80 - Dec 30

Episode 80 on MP3

Christmas presents!
Mego Museum pattens for doll clothes
Pictures of Brandt and Kirk dolls at Flickr (NSFW)
No more Boston Legal from us
SF Chronicle Travel - Trek crew featured!
Space Cruiser on the playground!
What sports does Kirk like?
Court Martial remastered

Jim, get out of the goddamn chair!

Monday, December 17, 2007

From Our Bridge to Yours

Hopefully, this will inspire all of you with your Christmas Homework Essay Question: WHAT WOULD A CHRISTMAS EPISODE HAVE BEEN LIKE?

Photo by Dianne B.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Show #79 - Dec 15

Episode 79 on MP3

Warp Speed - Star Trek improv at Fort Mason in San Francisco! SO FUNNY!

Interviews with:
Dave Dennison
Richard Ross
John Remak
Laura Derry

Homework: What would be in a Star Trek Christmas episode?

Friday, December 14, 2007


Including in the movie Fanboys. This could be funny! And they're right; Picard isn't gay, Riker is.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Trek at the Picket Line

Here's Nichelle Nichols (looking fabulous as always) supporting the WGA on the picket lines at Paramount. Yesterday was a Trek day, and lots of folks showed up: Walter Koenig, Brent Spiner, Scott Bakula, George Takei, Wil Wheaton, and of course Harlan Ellison (who's been very active on the lines since the strike started).

Pop over to LAist to see more pics from the front lines.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

It is TOO cool.

Grabbed from the ever-lovin' Mike Sterling. Now, let's clear something up: Mike says, "It's cute seeing companies still trying to make Star Trek "cool." Not working, sorry."

HEY: Star Trek - the original series, anyway - IS ALWAYS COOL.


Thank you.

Show #78 - Dec 1

Episode 78 on MP3

Cheryl's pictures from Murphy's Bar!
Jen's voice mail!
Have you ever walked out of a movie?
AfterEllen - Casting an all-female Star Trek
Dagger of the Mind remastered
What would embarrass Kirk?

Jim, you are pwned.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Menagerie Movie Show!

Menagerie Movie show on MP3

Our report on the Menagerie in the movies! Line geeking, St.Olaf, and post-movie breakdowns (including a rant on bad audience behavior)

Pike's lovable half-Vulcan sidekick

100 Reasons Why Kirk is Better Than Picard

Thanks, Quvmoh! Did it come from here?

1. When Data died, Picard had a funeral. When Spock died, Kirk reconstituted the body, forced it’s soul back in, and even got him laid along the way.

2. When Picard senses that Wesley is having emotional problems he sits down and talks with him about it. When Kirk sensed that Charlie X was having emotional problems he took him to the gym and threw him around on the mats until he got over it.

3. When Picard went back in time he brought back Data’s head. When Kirk went back in time he brought back a blonde.

4. Picard’s Enterprise was destroyed by a couple of Klingon chicks while he was stranded on a desert planet. Kirk’s Enterprise was destroyed when he blew up a crew of Klingons, stole their ship, and resurrected Spock from the dead.

5. Kirk has caused computers to self-destruct by out-thinking them on three separate occasions.

6. When Picard was in the Academy he got stabbed in the heart. When Kirk was in the Academy he beat the unbeatable Kobyoshi Maru scenario and bagged Carol Marcus in his spare time.

7. When Sisko met Picard he told him he hated him. When Sisko met Kirk he got his autograph.

8. Kirk does not play the flute.

9. Picard is from France.

10. When Picard has a problem he talks to Guinan about it. When Kirk has a problem he shoots it.

11. When Kirk screams it echoes across the entire planet.

12. When Kirk blew up the Enterprise, Starfleet built him another one and had it ready by the time he got home.

13. Kirk collects antique guns. Picard collects antique matrioshka nesting dolls.

14. Kirk chastises omni-powerful super beings for not being polite to women.

15. Kirk sword fights someone on a regular basis.

16. Kirk’s Enterprise did not have a day care.

17. Kirk once ordered Scotty to fire a photon torpedo on his position and then he dodged out of the way so it hit the alien he was fighting.

18. Kirk has a violently deadly disease in his blood but he doesn’t let it slow him down any.

19. When it’s time for shore leave Kirk goes rock climbing and drinks whiskey. Picard wears nut smashing banana hammock speedos and reads by the pool.

20. Picard’s name is known and respected throughout Klingon space. Kirk’s name is cursed and vilified.

21. The only Klingon serving on Kirk’s bridge would be a dead one.

22. Kirk jumps horses in his spare time. Picard owns a fish.

23. Kirk would never allow an “acting ensign” to lock out his command codes.

24. Picard quotes Shakespeare for fun. Kirk quotes Shakespeare to intimidate his enemies.

25. Kirk’s jump kick projects 650 pounds of blunt force.

26. Kirk once made a cannon that shot diamonds.

27. Kirk defies superior alien beings on an almost daily basis.

28. When the evil aliens use a stun ray on the crew, Kirk always stays conscious for a minimum of 15 seconds longer than everyone else.

29. Kirk is on a first name basis with every single admiral in Starfleet.

30. Kirk once said: “You’re the Captain’s woman till he says your not.”

31. When Sarek mind melded with Picard, Picard cried a lot. When Sarek mind melded with Kirk, Kirk decided to hijack the Enterprise and bring Spock back from the dead.

32. Kirk can shoulder roll at 127 miles per hour.

33. Picard’s engineer wears goofy wrap-around sunglasses. Kirk’s engineer wears a kilt and can drink you under the table.

34. If Picard’s engineer has a headache it’s because he wore his Visor for too long. If Kirk’s engineer has a headache it’s because he has a hangover.

35. Kirk looks good in sideburns. Really good.

36. Picard drinks tea. Kirk drinks Saurian Brandy straight from the bottle.

37. Kirk mocks Federation bureaucrats that he doesn’t like and then proves that their aids are Klingon spies, just to make the point.

38. Kirk once became an Indian god with the power to resurrect the dead.

39. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at chess.

40. Kirk’s love affairs extend not only across space but across time as well.

41. Kirk’s dress uniform does not actually look like a dress.

42. Kirk looks good in a ripped shirt, and he knows it.

43. Kirk repopulated the Earth’s once extinct humpbacked whale species.

44. When Picard wants the ship to go faster he calls down to engineering and asks to go faster. When Kirk wants the ship to go faster he sling-shots it around the sun.

45. When Klingons invaded Picard’s Enterprise he carefully neutralized them. When Klingons invaded Kirk’s Enterprise he had a massive sword fight with them.

46. Kirk has fought evil duplicates of himself on numerous occasions, always with screaming involved.

47. Kirk’s greatest nemesis was the genetically superior ruler of over a quarter of the Earth. Picard’s greatest nemesis likes to dress like him and occasionally cause inconvenience.

48. Kirk has punched out at least one member of over three thousand known alien races.

49. Kirk would never allow his first officer to get more tail than he does.

50. No matter what world Picard goes to, Kirk was there first and probably has an illegitimate child somewhere on the planet.

51. Everyone knows the phrase “Beam me up, Scotty!” The phrase, “Energize whenever you are ready, Mr. La Forge,” doesn’t exactly have the same notoriety.

52. Picard’s first officer is named after a bathroom code.

53. Kirk once yelled, “No blah-blah-blah! No blah-blah-blah!” and made it sound important.

54. Kirk’s hand phaser is sleek and sexy. Picard’s hand phaser looks like a Hoover dirt devil.

55. When Kirk wants to talk to the Enterprise he flips open his communicator dramatically. When Picard wants to talk to the Enterprise he has to tweak his own nipple.

56. Kirk’s youth was spent doing back breaking work on a farm in Iowa. Picard’s youth was spent squishing grapes with his toes in France.

57. Kirk fought the Greek god Apollo. And won.

58. The women on Picard’s ship wear long pants. On Kirk’s ship, miniskirts are mandatory.

59. Kirk’s middle name is Tiberius.

60. It runs in the family: Picard’s brother died trapped in a fire. Kirk’s brother died fighting swarms of alien invaders.

61. When Data hijacked the Enterprise, Picard was helpless to stop him. When Spock hijacked the Enterprise Kirk fought him to the death.

62. Kirk’s medical officer prescribes hard liquor as a cure all.

63. Kirk has heavy calluses on his right index finger from pressing the trigger on his phaser so many times.

64. When Kirk gets punched in the face he just wipes the blood off his lip and looks at it with a smirk.

65. Picard once wore formal Klingon robes for a Klingon ceremony. If Kirk ever wore Klingon robes it would be because he took them off a dead Klingon.

66. Kirk chops his own firewood.

67. Kirk once led a Mafia take over.

68. Kirk would have slept with Beverly Crusher by episode two.

69. In the episode “The Trouble With Tribbles” the tribbles bred at such a fast rate not because of instinct but because they were in the presence of Kirk.

70. When Deanna Troi talks about what she’s feeling, Picard listens carefully and thanks her for her input. Kirk would have called it “pillow talk.”

71. The emotional content level of Kirk’s speeches is an average of 782 times higher than the level of Picard’s speeches. If he’s talking about revolution, exploration or diversity, it is 1,089 times higher.

72. When Picard has an alien delegation on board he invites them to a quiet dinner. When Kirk has an alien delegation on board he gets plowed on Romulan Ale.

73. Kirk is familiar with 20th century slang.

74. The main computer on Kirk’s Enterprise once hit on him.

75. Kirk faced off against Wyatt Earp at the O.K. Corral and won.

76. Picard is a Frenchman with an English accent.

77. Kirk only requires thirty-two minutes of sleep a day.

78. Kirk eats multicolored nutrition squares because he’s too busy fighting stuff to eat a normal meal.

79. Kirk destroyed 672 uniform tunics during the Enterprise’s first five year mission.

80. 347 of those tunics were destroyed during combat with Klingons. The rest were destroyed by various women.

81. When Picard fought the Borg he got assimilated. When Kirk fought the Borg he blew up their planet.

82. When Kirk was sent to the prison camp on Rura Penthe he hadn’t bathed or changed his clothes in days and was wearing animal carcasses for warmth but Iman still threw herself at him the moment he arrived.

83. When Abraham Lincoln appeared floating in space in front of the Enterprise, Kirk didn’t even blink.

84. Kirk can break out of any jail cell that is located anywhere in time or space within one hour. Within one half hour if Spock is with him.

85. When Kirk disguised himself as a Romulan, he stole a cloaking device and used it to escape to Federation space. When Picard disguised himself as a Romulan he ate some soup and then got captured.

86. Denny Crane.

87. 87% of all Klingon opera is about the singer’s desire to kill Kirk.

88. The other 13% of all Klingon opera is about the singer’s desire to be killed by Kirk in glorious battle.

89. Kirk once taught an emotionless female android how to love. Then he broke up with her.

90. Kirk’s evil twin womanized and swilled brandy. Picard’s evil twin liked to have his scalp massaged by Ron Perlman.

91. Even though they haven’t existed for hundreds of years, Kirk can still sort of drive a stick shift.

92. Kirk never dressed in green tights and pretended to be Robin Hood, and if he had, someone would have paid for it.

93. Even though Kirk often pauses between words, no one ever dares interrupt him.

94. Kirk went to the center of the universe, met god and wasn’t impressed.

95. When Kirk says “boldly go,” he means it.


97. Kirk blatantly disobeys one out of every five Starfleet orders just to remind them who’s really minding the store.

98. Starfleet estimates that the average Klingon has a 36% chance of being killed by Kirk at some point in their lifetime, regardless of their age, profession, location or social status.

99. Kirk once kicked a Klingon into the molten core of an exploding planet.

100. Style: Kirk did it first, he did it better and he did it wearing gold velour and Beatle-boots with a space girl on each arm.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Show #76 - Oct 21

Episode 76 on MP3

Dreams of William Shatner - send in your dreams!
More showings of Menagerie!
Stephen Hawking vs. Crazy Pike - who would win?
Man Trap remastered - the Salt Vampire episode!
Internet World silliness from 1996

There is no picture for this podcast, because graphics DON'T BELONG ON THE WEB.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

We have a new blog!

Come check out Dreams of William Shatner. We'll be posting our own Bill dreams, as well as dreams that you send in. Of course, we'd LOVE to know what Bill dreams about...

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Signs Mr. Spock Doesn't Like You

Snagged from BBSpot.

11. He uses you as a guinea pig for the new, more painful Vulcan nerve pinch.
10. Always keeps giving you the "angry eyebrow" treatment.
9. Lately, after saying "Live Long And Prosper," he gives you a nasty look and mumbles something that sounds a lot like "except you, you bastard."
8. Keeps asking you to put on your red shirt when accompanying him on away teams.
7. He and Dr. McCoy start pointing and giggling at you while you're conversing with the Captain.
6. He keeps giving Scotty incorrect coordinates so you beam down next to hostile aliens.
5. He doesn't need to get high on spores to punch you in the face.
4. Won't use Vulcan mind meld to save you from the alien, decides beaming up and leaving you behind would be more logical.
3. Keeps making "I've got my eyes on you" sign at you behind Kirk's back.
2. He tells you it's highly illogical even before you've started to speak.
1. He uses the other Vulcan salute. The one with only one finger.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Friday, September 28, 2007

Best new Shatner catch-phrase.

From an email we just got:

"But then i downloaded real...and it hit me, like giant bolts of william shatner thunder that...THE MAN IS FUCKING AMAZING!!! the voice, the poetry, the ASS!!!"

There you go. "Giant Bolts of William Shatner Thunder". YES!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Shatfest! Nov 8 in El Cerrito, CA

Will the Thrill PRESENTS!
featuring the first-ever Cerrito Shatfest and the Shatfest debut of Big Bill's infamous, legendary all Esperanto-language, devil-worshipping cult classic INCUBUS (1965), with producer Tony Taylor in person!
Plus THE DEVIL-ETTES live on stage!
Admission: $8, 9:15 PM at the El Cerrito Speakeasy Theatre
And meet the BUTT-GIRLS!!!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Show #75 - Sept. 21

Episode 75 on MP3

Rifftrax: Star Trek V - Yay!
Julia's Shatner fanvid
Amanda's email - Where did Kirk's make-up come from in "Enemy Within"?
Paulette's email - "An Erlenmeyer flask flask full of death!"
Mego Museum Trek cards!
History of K/S - to be published by Beyond Dreams Press
Analytics According to Captain Kirk
JK's Project Manager K/S

Thank you, Scott!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Kirk love. Oh yeah.

Thanks to Greg for cluing us in to this stellar example of man-love for Kirk's charm and hotness. I quote this in its entirety from Mike Sterling's Progressive Ruin:

Get a load of this handsome bastard:

This is the "retailer incentive" variant cover for Star Trek Year Four #2,but IDW really missed a bet not making that the regular cover.

Also, looking at that makes you realize, in regards to the forthcoming Star Trek film "reboot" -- it's a fool's game to recast Kirk. I mean, how do you top perfection?

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Show #74 - Sept 6

Episode 74 on MP3

Tom Cruise in the new Trek movie
? And who is the villain going to be? And what's with the casting call?
OT: Ian McKellen on Extras
The Geek Hierarchy, via Brunching Shuttlecocks
McCoy's "I'm a doctor, not a ..." quotes
Jen writes us a story!! And we're in it!!!
Spock: Annoying?
Buttons the Radical Boy Scout!!
JK has Shatner dreams - and what does Bill dream about?
If Edward Gorey drew Star Trek! by Shaenon Garrity

Gay robots!

The Trouble with Tribbles if Gorey has drawn it, by Shaenon Garrity

Friday, August 24, 2007

Show #73 - Aug 23

Episode 73 on MP3

Liberace and time travel!

Remastered Squire of Gothos live blogging
Q-Squared by Peter David - we need a book report!
Jon Carroll's column about a piece by Ursula LeGuin, Return of the Genre Zombie (a pdf)
We discuss what "science fiction" is, and time travel
And a bit of smut to end the show

Spockabeth and his talking horse

Bill seduces the camera (again)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

1966 Shatner interview

JK and I have this on tape and Bill is SO MUCH MORE GORGEOUS when you can see him clearly. I believe we fangirl'd over this in a show from last year. Bill is one of the few people who could appear in full TV makeup, outside in natural light, and still look SO MUCH MORE GORGEOUS than ordinary people.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Ultimate Bill the Cat!

Here's Bill the Cat (and his lovable sidekick and part-time serial killer Spock) drunk and blowing space bubbles with his phaser. (Don't ask me; JK just sent it to me with that caption.)

Wanna see a Shatner swallow?

Courtesy of ShatnerVision. Watching Bill try to deal with an online chat room is priceless.

New Brad Paisley video - "Online"

Starring BILL! (and Jason Alexander)

Tom Snyder and Trek

Tom Snyder recently passed away. For fans of a certain age, his Tomorrow show was always worth watching, for interviews with rock stars, writers, and TV stars. The hour he spent with DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Walter Koenig, and Harlan Ellison is classic.

Part 1:





Show #72 - Aug 11

Episode 72 on MP3

Bill (and Boston Legal) nominated for Emmys!
M2 magazine (see the cover below)
Bill's talk show on the new Bio channel - Raw Nerve
Bill on the Best Damn Sports Show Period - An Ode to Basketball
Bill does an interview for Just For Laughs in Montreal
Star Trek wax figures - check out the video and the article
Star Tre: the New Voyages - the Gay Episode
Star Trek in Internet World magazine - 1995!
Trek actors comment on Galaxy Quest
We play the Star Trek Trivia Challenge!

Live Khan Improv

Star Trek stage parody

"The Wrath of Khan" from "The Khan Saga", a series of Star Trek parodies performed in the early 1990s by the Toronto improv team The Chumps. It is from "Trek Talk", a documentary about Star Trek fans around the the Star Trek 25th anniversary celebrations. Interview with members of the cast are included. For details, contact:

You can read a bit about The Chumps here.

Spock's Brain Live!

"Spock's Brain is a live presentation of an actual Star Trek episode! The talented cast, in full Star Trek costumes—er, uniforms—performs the episode on a great-looking set with actual music and sound effects from the original Star Trek television series. It's not a spoof or a parody of Star Trek—it is the actual episode in its entirety!"

This performance ran in 2004. Read more about it here!

Matt Bianco played Captain Kirk.
Stephen Millunzi played "Bones" and the surface Morg.
Andy Bray played Chekov and a security morg (fight scene).
Cesario Tio played Sulu.
Lola Davidson played Nurse Chapel & Luma.
Gabriel Diani played Spock.
Tom Deters played Scotty.
Kelly Park played Uhura.
Danny Esguerra played a red shirt & a morg.
Produced & Directed by Mike Carano

Sunday, July 22, 2007

From deep in Internet history...

We'll be talking about this in an upcoming show. You get a dollar if you know where this images comes from.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Show #71 - July 18

Episode 71 on MP3

An episode and a movie!

We review the remastered Miri - A beaker full of DEATH!
And finally - Galaxy Quest!
The Questarian - The Galaxy Quest Fandom site
New stuff on Star Trek History
Is Spock really a loveable sidekick?

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Show #70 - July 7

Episode 70 on MP3

Boston Legal finale - not a shocker
Bill interviewed by Henry Rollins!
Henry talks about it on Shatner Vision (and here and here)
Will the Thrill wrote a book!
"Live" blogging of remastered Spock's Brain
Part 2 of Married on a Full Moon
Homework: Finish this story!!