Captain Kirk

Captain Kirk

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's News To Us

From USA Weekend. Bill sez:
I’m working on a movie right now about standup comics.

and the writer (Brian Truitt) sez:
Nimoy never lets his old friend live down the time he almost drowned Nimoy on the movie set of Star Trek IV. [Shatner] collects funny stories from everywhere, and says he has a great anecdote about something hilarious that happened to him at the closing ceremonies of the recent 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.
So maybe he'll stop telling the bicycle story...


A report from FanExpo:
[Shatner] opened with behind-the-scenes tales of his time as a guest at the 2010 Olympic closing ceremonies in Vancouver and relayed that he was standing next to Wayne Gretzky when the final torch wouldn't rise. "I recognized a little bead of sweat above his lip -- in acting terms, that's called flop sweat. He had an ear piece and there was someone in his ear going, 'No, no, no yet Wayne. Wait for it Wayne, wait for it. It's going to go up, wait, wait, wait.' It sounded like he was using Viagra."
Thanks, TV Squad! We're assuming the Exposition Police are a division of you.

Bill with a book. A book that he thinks is hiding the piece of paper that has his lines written on it.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Embraced. Like a lover.

A new Butt Plug in the UK!

YOU GUYS. This whole skeptics/LAHB crossover thing is becoming a trend, if not a meme. First there is our pal Maynard, who plugs us relentlessly (on the Skeptic Zone podcast), and now a huge shout out (and a wave) from Skeptics with a K! You should listen to every show, of course, but if you want to hear the very nice things they said about us, go to the new Skeptics with a K podcast and listen to the first 5 minutes.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Today's topic on KirkChat: KIRK FU

KITTY: Doesn't the photo from Alt Factor look like a big "welcome home, my darling" scene where Kirk just jumped into his arms?
smooch smooch smooch
that can't possibly be an effective fight move
no way

you know, maybe Kirk jumping on people was so that his hard-on could do the fighting

If that's a gun in your pocket, why don't you take it out and shoot me?

he jumps on the guy and it's an immediate sucker-punch to the gut with his dick

but he's in the perfect position to receive a kidney punch!

true. but he has the element of surprise

"My dick is so tough it does my fighting for me"
true - i'd be surprised

the enemy isn't expecting cock-punch (literally)


it's all part of the Kirk fighting technique

Kirk fu

karate chops, flying leg kicks, cock punching


Your thoughts, gentle reader?

Kirk on Twitter?

Lene to Kitty:

There is someone tweeting as @JamesT_Kirk on Twitter - some fairly amusing stuff, even though he uses a pic of Chris Pine (ICK). He tweeted this this other day:

My name is Jim, & I'm a sexaholic. Can't get enough of that sexahol.

...Which I retweeted. Today he sent me this:

@JamesT_Kirk: @lenetaylor *smile* Thanks for the RT. Kirk out.

...see, he's channeling Shatner here, not Chris fucking Pine. Anyway, it made me laugh

Kitty to Lene:

Strange as it sounds, the myth and reputation of the original (and only) Kirk is so strong that people seem to apply it to Young Douchey Kirk, all evidence to the contrary.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

From Starlog 1999:
William Shatner is a sweetheart. He loves to laugh. Not the stiff, forced Nimoy guffaw, but a man who sees the odd part of life. Humor is his friend. He seems to be poking fun at himself more than others. A very likable fellow. As the intellectual type, Leonard Nimoy was somewhat removed, much like his acting, although a decent man of conscience.

–Robert Brown, actor, interviewed by Duane S. Arnott: “Lazarus Rises Again”

Ganked from WeimarWorld.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Irony? Or cluelessness?

This is exactly how this appeared on the myremoteradio blog report from Wizard World:
I sadly, didn’t get to meet one celebrity this year…and that makes me sad.

After I realized that my dreams of meeting Shatner were delayed by cost and a 3 hour wait, I decided that it was going to be an obscure shopping day. Look for those rare items that I wanted.

Um, earth to know that guy standing by the Dr Who callbox? The guy you photographed from the back? Carrying a manpurse? ... Duh?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Trivia about Hawaii Five-0

Found this while looking for info on Bill in Hawaii Five-0!

99. You Don't Have to Kill to Get Rich, but It Helps
Original air date: 9/26/72

There is lots of technology in this show, about an ├╝ber-organization called Veritex which identifies rich men coming to Hawaii through personal and financial reports, then blackmails them with the help of local prostitutes (some of whom are very hot looking). Veritex, described by Danno as committing "murder and blackmail on a massive scale," is powerful to the point of unbelievability, yet their Hawaiian "board of directors" is a pretty dull bunch, headed by William Speer (Ric Marlow, who sports a hideous haircut and lacks a certain omnipresence). Tommy Fujiwara, who plays their front man Larry Toba, is far too laid back. Veritex uses telex machines in combination with satellites (the terms Telstar and Intelsat 4 are thrown around). McGarrett gets a court order to "tap" into the telexes after telling his crew to track down every company which uses this form of communication on the island, which strikes District Attorney John Manicote as innovative. A Sony video machine with a camera and large reels like a tape recorder is also seen (the jury is out on whether this actually is a video machine, or just a reel-to-reel tape recorder disguised as one); as well, Duke is seen receiving a photo via what looks like a fax machine.. The star of the show is William Shatner, who hams his way through his role as Texas private investigator Sam Tolliver, who visits Hawaii to help his friend Wallace Shuster (Bill Edwards) get free of Veritex's insidous blackmail scheme, but ends up wanting to get in on the operation himself. Shatner seems to be having a good time, overpronouncing words like "bid-ness," "po-lice," "dee-liver" and "dee-vorce" with a thick accent. The script -- which leaves a lot to be desired -- wraps up things too quickly at the end. Tolliver's family are being held captive back in Texas by associates of Speer, but once the bad guys are captured, McGarrett merely throws the matter over to the Texas cops to deal with and the show ends! A "real" phone number -- 808-589-0589 -- is used. McGarrett and Tolliver meet only at the end and are never seen in the same shot. I wonder if the fact that Jack Lord was under consideration for the role of Captain Kirk in Star Trek (until he asked for too much control and money) resulted in some kind of ill feelings between himself and Shatner?


At the "Dallas airport" near the beginning of the show, there are mountains seen in the background through the large plate glass windows. I don't think so!
One of the hookers who goes missing is seen in a photo which shows her nude from behind.
At the wrap-up, McGarrett says, "Book him, Ben."
Get a load of the wind chimes hairpieces on character actress Jorie Remus, playing a madam!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Show #132 - Aug 16

Episode 132 on MP3

Apologies for the weird audio stuff in the second half of the show!

Official Communicator app for the iPhone
Bye Bye Kitty pool! When will JK leave California? Leave your answers in the comments!
Bill's Betrayed! interview
The stupid fake picture of Bill
The story of the Mike Nesmith impersonator
We review Bill on Hawaii Five-0, 1972, You Don't Have to Kill to Get Rich But It Helps

Did you know that if you search for "William Shatner" on YouTube, you get 5,260 results?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Bill in Velvet!

And it's not a painting. I literally gasped when he made his entrance. He's so GORGEOUS!! And I think that's the best toupee ever.

"Is it me or the material?"

It's you, Bill, you know it's you.

Peek a boo!

Bill snuck into a photo at the Las Vegas Creation Con! Love it love it love it.

Go here for the story and another photo.

Friday, August 06, 2010


"I have no mouth and I must scream"

If that toy could move, it would shoot it self.

Thanks, Greg. We think.

Stump the Butt Girls

JK: O.M.G.
another media conquered
What kind of animal is Scotty supposed to be?
LT: oh jezus
JK: Why does each one have a tribble on his foot?
LT: an ape?
JK: Does left foot vs right foot indicate a sexual preference?
An ape wearing a black mask like painters have?
LT: I just....I don't know.
why does the bear have mismatched eyes?
JK: And one tooth
LT: why are both of spock's eyes on the SAME SIDE OF HIS HEAD
JK: Why is he pigeon-toed?
Are the metal-tipped horns a ref to pointed ears? Looks more klingon
Oh my god, they're VINYL!!!!!!
LT: ew!

And that's how you waste a Friday.

For the answer to these and other questions, go here. If. You. Dare.

Because he's the goddamn Captain, that's why

Bill's good friend Brian Evans talks about his entertainment series in Maui and what it's like to hang out with Bill. I think he missed the part at the end about Bill riding on the backs of dolphins to win the surfing competition while blindfolded. BECAUSE HE'S BILL.
"The last time I had dinner with William Shatner, he started talking about his salad that was just delivered. There was a jalepeno pepper on it and he stopped the conversation we were all having and said, 'Look at this! This is the perfect jalepeno pepper. This is the true essence of a jalepeno pepper,’ and he went on for about 40 minutes on the jalepeno pepper. What was amazing about it is that you were captivated by the topic."

Evans said he still isn't sure if Shatner was serious or just messing with them. Also during that same trip he and Bill ended up jet skiing. Hilarity ensued.

"He went way past the buoys where you’re supposed to go," Evans explained of Shatner's daring on a jet ski. "The security jets went out there to get him, telling him he couldn't be out that far. 'Yes I can,' Shatner reportedly told the enforcers, 'I’m Bill Shatner.' He refused to go back and they didn’t make him," Evans said.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Yeah, it was funny when Kirk lost his awesome...

But at least he got it back.

Spock never had any to begin with.

The mighty electricity generated by the powerplant in the background is drowned out by the non-awesomeness of the lameass bucket-o-boredom in the foreground. And the car's pretty yawn-inducing too.

P.S. I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be a color picture but the film was too bored to give its all.

Yeah, it's Cranky Night at Kitty's.

Another media conquered

Courtesy of the Ship's Embroiderer

ThinkGeek comes through again

As Steve Spears of Stuck in the '80s says:
I'll see your Jesus Fish and Darwin Fish and raise you this shiny Trek Fish Car Emblem

Only $7.99 at ThinkGeek!

Esquire Interviews with Bill

Bill teaches the interviewer about interviewing. And discusses restaurant service.

Read the interview

And this gem from around 2005. How many different ways can Bill say "It's like making love"?
Sex should be a template for your day. You need to start slow and end completely.

Whether it's drugs or artistry or athletics, all life seeks to re-create that ultimate sexual moment.

I hunger -- my passions are every bit as unbanked as they were when I was thirty-five.
Bonus image from jonk:

Nothing says "I'm a serious art collector" like this oil & Brylcreem on velvet masterpiece.

Private Sale: Lot #1, Nimoy zines

Private Sale Shill #1 on MP3

From the great big Box o' Mystery that JK gave to me, we have our first offering.

Three zines grandly titled "Leonard Nimoy Association of Fans Yearbook" are from the late 1970s and chock full of fan insanity: pictures, stories, poems, cartoons, news, and loads and loads of (really good) fan art. It's all about Nimoy, of course, so we're happy to sell these to the Nimoy fans we know are out there.

We've got the years 1976, 1977, and 1978. You can see the same zines on eBay here and here.

They're stapled together with nice glossy covers, and in great condition. (And they've been living in Kitty's house for years with Big Cardboard Kirk).

$20 each. We'll send them by Media Mail and you can pay by PayPal. If you're interested, send us email at lookathisbutt AT gmail dot com.

The 1976 edition has a great article about the con that year in New York. It includes this eye-scorching picture of Bill in a completely over-the-top sheepskin coat.

True Confessions, Trek-style

Thanks so much to Di for bringing this gem to our attention!

Monday, August 02, 2010

Shit Harve Bennett Says

From an article at Daily Tidings (which sounds like a religious website but none of the quotes start with "Lo!" so I guess not.)
On the set, [Bennett] recalls, Bones (DeForest Kelley) was a "kind healer who kept the big egos from tearing each other apart," while Kirk (William Shatner) was "a study in being the matinee idol — brilliant, energetic and rather full of himself."

We comment during an iChat:

LENE: how can he not be full of himself? Himself is awesome and overflows the human container

KITTY: Yeah - it's surprising his awesomeness hasn't burned out the human container, kind of like Sargon in Kirk's body. But more awesome.

We can hear it all the way across the galaxy!

Banana Republic pants, special Kirk EVE model

I mean, really. Too bad they're not black. Then they could just have substituted one of our screencaps from "Trouble With Tribbles". Original here, for reals.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Show #131 - Aug 1

Episode 131 on MP3

We review And the Children Shall Lead AND IT STINKS!
The Schattner family geneology!
InKredulous #4 hits Star Trek twice! And the tricorder story appears to be true
"Jim, there's no point to a safe word..."
Interview with Jen!

Bill channels Ted Knight. All that's missing is "Louuuuuuuuuuu...."

Star Trek: Tik Tok

Posted in lots of places but I just around to it. Indeed, the party don't start till Jim Kirk makes the scene.