5/13/07: In lieu of a podcast...

L T: ok, put your "show voice" on
JungleKitty: My "show typing" you mean
L T: yes!
L T: Hello, LAHB listeners!
JungleKitty: Is this our Podcast for the Deaf?
L T: yes!
L T: We're here to explain why there is no show this week
JungleKitty: Cough cough *wheeeeeze*
JungleKitty: That's why
L T: it's because JK has been so sick!
L T: she can't talk at all.
JungleKitty: Poor me
L T: and I can't carry a whole podcast by myself. that would be suicide.
L T: but we want you to know that we've got TONS of stuff for the next show!
L T: Bill has been busy as ever
L T: And there is much Trek in the news
JungleKitty: Boston Legal finished taping for the season a couple of weeks ago.
JungleKitty: Like last year, the Shatner Weekend people were there on the last day.
JungleKitty: AND THIS IS THE BIG NEWS! Denny Crane's boxer shorts with the target on them were auctioned.
JungleKitty: A friend of ours (Iddy) is now the proud owner.
L T: yes! we'll have a full report on that.
JungleKitty: Maybe later you can have a boxer shorts moment, like your pants moment.
L T: hmm, I'll have to think about that. I haven't *held* the boxer shorts.
JungleKitty: But you've dreamed of it, right?
L T: I've definitely let the thought enter my head.
JungleKitty: When I think of Bill's underwear, it's not boxers.
L T: I'm sure he was wearing boxer-brief type things under the target ones
JungleKitty: Yeah, we saw the waistband, remember?
L T: right! I thought so.
JungleKitty: Let's see...what else is new in Bill's wardrobe?
L T: I haven't been watching Shatner vision. There is too much going on over there. New videos every 5 minutes.
JungleKitty: There's one of him signing autographs at Shatner Weekend but it's actually kinda boring. I think it's one of those "you had to be there" moments.
L T: but Bill's been doing interviews all over the place!
JungleKitty: And this week he's on Good Morning America, Late Night with Conan O'Brien and The View. New Yorkers should be on the lookout!
L T: ...because as we know, Bill is *everywhere*.
JungleKitty: Well duh.
JungleKitty: Hey I have news but have to change the names of the people involved.
L T: ooh! intrigue!
JungleKitty: A fanfic friend of mine who has turned pro had a run-in with the original Alpha Monkey!
L T: OMG!
L T: the one for whom ALL Alpha Monkeys are named!
JungleKitty: Yep. His attitude was "I read your story and liked it so you're OBLIGED to read AND ENJOY mine."
L T: All hail the MONKEY!
JungleKitty: I wish I'd saved his emails. I egged him on because he was so entertainingly stupid.
L T: if our listeners use the Intarwebs, they have no doubt encountered this species on their own.
L T: Listeners, if you have accounts of baiting Alpha Monkeys, please send them in!
JungleKitty: And remember - nothing makes an Alpha Monkey madder than being ignored.
L T: I love it when they shake the bars and screech.
JungleKitty: Who doesn't?
JungleKitty: Isn't that why everyone visits the Alpha Monkey House at the online zoo?
L T: Completely.
JungleKitty: In other news: Remember Riverside, Iowa? Location of Invasion Iowa?
JungleKitty: Of course you do. As you know, it is the future-birthplace of James T. Kirk. But they have shown true initiative and astounding research skills.
JungleKitty: "a local bar boasts a plaque claiming that
Kirk will be conceived on the premises."
JungleKitty: I think we need to ask Marjorie about this sometime.
L T: wow!
JungleKitty: I wish we knew the name of the bar.
L T: I didn't think his mother was that kind of gal.
L T: I'm sure we can find out.
JungleKitty: Do they serve Trek-themed drinks like a Transporter Accident?
L T: hahaha!
JungleKitty: Does this call his paternity into question?
L T: ooh, good point!
L T: We should look at the website for Riverside. This information is probably on the front page.
JungleKitty: Now I'm dying to go there.
JungleKitty: What bar do you think David Marcus was conceived in?
L T: I think he was conceived in the back seat of Mitchell's car
JungleKitty: LOL!
JungleKitty: Amid all the empty beer cans.
L T: and peeps boxes.
JungleKitty: Hee!
L T: well, we may have to employ a Foreign Correspondent to go to the bar and take pictures.
JungleKitty: I'd be happy to pay for FC's drinks.
L T: Listeners, any volunteers?
JungleKitty: Get drunk for the cause!
L T: yes!
JungleKitty: And speaking of causes - this is National Masturbation Month.
L T: oh yes! all the sex toy places are having sales.
L T: a good month to try new toys!
JungleKitty: And report back to us.
L T: yes. we want to know what's good.
JungleKitty: And who's been bad.
JungleKitty: Here's a quote from Bryan Singer: One night I went over the Patrick Stewart’s house to have dinner with him. He had a surprise for me and I thought it was pictures from the day I did my cameo [on TNG]. And the doorbell rings and William Shatner and his wife came in and it was awesome. I ended up playing Next Generation pinball with William Shatner in Patrick’s game room and I can’t even describe it.
L T: WOW!
JungleKitty: I'm sure Bill kicked his ass.
L T: I wonder if Bill and Patrick had a fight after dinner.
JungleKitty: I'm sure Bill kicked his ass.
L T: YES!
JungleKitty: I'm surprised Patrick has a TNG pinball game.
L T: it's just to keep the fans occupied when they come to his house.
JungleKitty: Did he get offended when Bill yelled, "I'm gonna spin this off the bald guy's head!"
L T: ha!
L T: I bet Bill got the highest score EVER on that machine.
JungleKitty: The machine retired right after.
L T: yep. no point in playing any more games.
JungleKitty: I bet when Bill does a woman, all her sex toys retire.
L T: yes!
L T: Well, listeners, next time we'll have a fun, weirdish surprise for you - a plot treatment for a TOS ep written by Bill!
JungleKitty: And it's spooooooky!
L T: We will read it dramatically, as it's VERY DRAMATIC
JungleKitty: Are you sure you don't want Marjorie to read it?
L T: oh, let's read it twice - I'll do it once, and then Marjorie can do it.
JungleKitty: Okey dokey.
L T: Excellent!
JungleKitty: Well, shall we wrap this up?
JungleKitty: Is it time for the drum solo?
L T: I think so.
L T: Next week we'll be back better than ever - popcorn, Vernor's, the whole 9 yards!
JungleKitty: Yum!
L T: So keep sending us email and remember - LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!!
JungleKitty: Everybody hum the theme song!