Captain Kirk

Captain Kirk

Sunday, May 13, 2007

5/13/07: In lieu of a podcast...

L T: ok, put your "show voice" on
JungleKitty: My "show typing" you mean
L T: yes!
L T: Hello, LAHB listeners!
JungleKitty: Is this our Podcast for the Deaf?
L T: yes!
L T: We're here to explain why there is no show this week
JungleKitty: Cough cough *wheeeeeze*
JungleKitty: That's why
L T: it's because JK has been so sick!
L T: she can't talk at all.
JungleKitty: Poor me
L T: and I can't carry a whole podcast by myself. that would be suicide.
L T: but we want you to know that we've got TONS of stuff for the next show!
L T: Bill has been busy as ever
L T: And there is much Trek in the news
JungleKitty: Boston Legal finished taping for the season a couple of weeks ago.
JungleKitty: Like last year, the Shatner Weekend people were there on the last day.
JungleKitty: AND THIS IS THE BIG NEWS! Denny Crane's boxer shorts with the target on them were auctioned.
JungleKitty: A friend of ours (Iddy) is now the proud owner.
L T: yes! we'll have a full report on that.
JungleKitty: Maybe later you can have a boxer shorts moment, like your pants moment.
L T: hmm, I'll have to think about that. I haven't *held* the boxer shorts.
JungleKitty: But you've dreamed of it, right?
L T: I've definitely let the thought enter my head.
JungleKitty: When I think of Bill's underwear, it's not boxers.
L T: I'm sure he was wearing boxer-brief type things under the target ones
JungleKitty: Yeah, we saw the waistband, remember?
L T: right! I thought so.
JungleKitty: Let's see...what else is new in Bill's wardrobe?
L T: I haven't been watching Shatner vision. There is too much going on over there. New videos every 5 minutes.
JungleKitty: There's one of him signing autographs at Shatner Weekend but it's actually kinda boring. I think it's one of those "you had to be there" moments.
L T: but Bill's been doing interviews all over the place!
JungleKitty: And this week he's on Good Morning America, Late Night with Conan O'Brien and The View. New Yorkers should be on the lookout!
L T: ...because as we know, Bill is *everywhere*.
JungleKitty: Well duh.
JungleKitty: Hey I have news but have to change the names of the people involved.
L T: ooh! intrigue!
JungleKitty: A fanfic friend of mine who has turned pro had a run-in with the original Alpha Monkey!
L T: OMG!
L T: the one for whom ALL Alpha Monkeys are named!
JungleKitty: Yep. His attitude was "I read your story and liked it so you're OBLIGED to read AND ENJOY mine."
L T: All hail the MONKEY!
JungleKitty: I wish I'd saved his emails. I egged him on because he was so entertainingly stupid.
L T: if our listeners use the Intarwebs, they have no doubt encountered this species on their own.
L T: Listeners, if you have accounts of baiting Alpha Monkeys, please send them in!
JungleKitty: And remember - nothing makes an Alpha Monkey madder than being ignored.
L T: I love it when they shake the bars and screech.
JungleKitty: Who doesn't?
JungleKitty: Isn't that why everyone visits the Alpha Monkey House at the online zoo?
L T: Completely.
JungleKitty: In other news: Remember Riverside, Iowa? Location of Invasion Iowa?
JungleKitty: Of course you do. As you know, it is the future-birthplace of James T. Kirk. But they have shown true initiative and astounding research skills.
JungleKitty: "a local bar boasts a plaque claiming that
Kirk will be conceived on the premises."
JungleKitty: I think we need to ask Marjorie about this sometime.
L T: wow!
JungleKitty: I wish we knew the name of the bar.
L T: I didn't think his mother was that kind of gal.
L T: I'm sure we can find out.
JungleKitty: Do they serve Trek-themed drinks like a Transporter Accident?
L T: hahaha!
JungleKitty: Does this call his paternity into question?
L T: ooh, good point!
L T: We should look at the website for Riverside. This information is probably on the front page.
JungleKitty: Now I'm dying to go there.
JungleKitty: What bar do you think David Marcus was conceived in?
L T: I think he was conceived in the back seat of Mitchell's car
JungleKitty: LOL!
JungleKitty: Amid all the empty beer cans.
L T: and peeps boxes.
JungleKitty: Hee!
L T: well, we may have to employ a Foreign Correspondent to go to the bar and take pictures.
JungleKitty: I'd be happy to pay for FC's drinks.
L T: Listeners, any volunteers?
JungleKitty: Get drunk for the cause!
L T: yes!
JungleKitty: And speaking of causes - this is National Masturbation Month.
L T: oh yes! all the sex toy places are having sales.
L T: a good month to try new toys!
JungleKitty: And report back to us.
L T: yes. we want to know what's good.
JungleKitty: And who's been bad.
JungleKitty: Here's a quote from Bryan Singer: One night I went over the Patrick Stewart’s house to have dinner with him. He had a surprise for me and I thought it was pictures from the day I did my cameo [on TNG]. And the doorbell rings and William Shatner and his wife came in and it was awesome. I ended up playing Next Generation pinball with William Shatner in Patrick’s game room and I can’t even describe it.
L T: WOW!
JungleKitty: I'm sure Bill kicked his ass.
L T: I wonder if Bill and Patrick had a fight after dinner.
JungleKitty: I'm sure Bill kicked his ass.
L T: YES!
JungleKitty: I'm surprised Patrick has a TNG pinball game.
L T: it's just to keep the fans occupied when they come to his house.
JungleKitty: Did he get offended when Bill yelled, "I'm gonna spin this off the bald guy's head!"
L T: ha!
L T: I bet Bill got the highest score EVER on that machine.
JungleKitty: The machine retired right after.
L T: yep. no point in playing any more games.
JungleKitty: I bet when Bill does a woman, all her sex toys retire.
L T: yes!
L T: Well, listeners, next time we'll have a fun, weirdish surprise for you - a plot treatment for a TOS ep written by Bill!
JungleKitty: And it's spooooooky!
L T: We will read it dramatically, as it's VERY DRAMATIC
JungleKitty: Are you sure you don't want Marjorie to read it?
L T: oh, let's read it twice - I'll do it once, and then Marjorie can do it.
JungleKitty: Okey dokey.
L T: Excellent!
JungleKitty: Well, shall we wrap this up?
JungleKitty: Is it time for the drum solo?
L T: I think so.
L T: Next week we'll be back better than ever - popcorn, Vernor's, the whole 9 yards!
JungleKitty: Yum!
L T: So keep sending us email and remember - LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!!
JungleKitty: Everybody hum the theme song!

3 comments:

greggray said...

Yay, podcasting without the phlegm. Get well soon JK.
greggray

Noncentz said...

Hey There,

Just stumbled onto this page. I was a producer on Invasion Iowa and I fondly recall Murpy's Bar & Grill, where JTK will eventually be conceived. The perfect spot for a beer and a deep fried meal.

JK and LT said...

Hi noncentz -

We've dispatched someone to check out Murphy's Bar and Grill. Thanks for telling us the name.

You might want to check out an earlier podcast in which we glowingly reviewed Invasion Iowa.
http://tinyurl.com/268nab

Kitty & Lene